i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
