I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
