It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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