giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
