I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
