Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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