no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
