If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize