oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
