so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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