i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
