he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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