drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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