so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
