GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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