I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
