ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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