TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize