Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
