Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
