it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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