I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
