i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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