Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize