Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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