tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
