It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
