....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
