What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
