I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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