There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
