Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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