I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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