I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
