Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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