i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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