you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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