Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
