I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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