I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
