I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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