That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
