I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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