god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
honey bunches of taint.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
