fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
