Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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