Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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