i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
