his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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