too bad you live with your parents still
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
