can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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