just come out here and I will go home with you...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
