I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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