I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
