Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
