At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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