Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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