yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
