Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think people are normalizing furries
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
