I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
