They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
