i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
