Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
being pregnant is like rehab
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
