im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
