Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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