I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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