idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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