i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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