Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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