My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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